32

Life Lately.

This month I turned 32.  I celebrated by having happy hour with Bobaloo and some lovely friends and then enjoyed some veggie fajitas at On the Border.

Since I last visited here, life has brought losses of loved ones.

But in the spirit of spring; life has also brought babies, weddings, visits, vacations, celebrations, good friends, health, and all sorts of other good stuff.

Renewal & Regrowth.

Bobaloo's sunflowers have started sprouting over the weekend.  We also have been lucky to have some springtime hootenannies on the patio. 

Nik needed to get her eye removed a week ago.  She recovered well and is back to being as mischievous as ever.

What's new with you?

Brain Stuff

I started seeing a therapist again.  He’s actually the first one who officially diagnosed me.  Ah, memories…

Things in the brain are going well.  I’ve had a couple of freak-outs in June and July but I think it’s because everything just got so busy and I’m a gal who needs some downtime and routine.  Going back to the doctor is more of a preventative thing than anything else.  The goal is to keep learning more coping mechanisms and getting in the habit of breaking them out in real life.  Isn’t it a strange thing having to “cope” with life?

But, I gotta keep that snowball from rolling downhill, don’t ya know?

May 3

  I'm keepin' on keepin' on with the above challenge to Blog Every Day in May. Ambitious I know, but there are topics posted for every day. Go check it out. Today's topic is Things that make you uncomfortable so here goes.

I could write an entire book about things that make me uncomfortable.

Having anxiety certainly presents its fair share of things that make me uncomfortable.  Most uncomfortable moments deal with issues of space or not being in control of my surroundings. 

Sometimes those issues creep up, sometimes they don’t.

Some instances of being uncomfortable in no spectacular order:

* Recently I walked over a bridge (sort of ran because it was rather high up) and could not and would not get back over to the other side.  Bobaloo walked back to the hotel to get my Pops to come pick me up in a car.  I knew in my heart of hearts the bridge was not going to suddenly break and I knew I wasn't going to accidentally fall off, but nonetheless I seriously cried over this:

This is the pedestrian bridge, for real yo.



* Every once in a while riding on the highway in the passenger seat of a car can be a horrible experience.  I am not sure if it’s the speed or the other drivers or the fact that I am not driving but some days it’s just too much to handle.

*  Every 8-12 months I get on an airplane, freak out, and vow to never get on another plane again, forget about aforementioned vow 8-12 months later, lather, rinse, and repeat.

*  Eating in front of strangers is bizarre and uncomfortable, weddings are a nightmare.

*  The self checkout at the grocery store is an endless source of anxiety for me which is weird because I usually prefer to interact with machines rather than people.  I think it's because the fruit and vegetables get priced wrong with the scanner and the scary Overlord of Groceries has to come over and boss me around.

*  Experiencing new things by myself isn’t my strong suit.  It’s not the new experience so much as the not getting lost on the way there, finding where to park, what if I wrote down the wrong day or time, expectation management, I don't know what's happening, what if I start panicking, am I breathing normal, etc.

Long story short, I make me incredibly uncomfortable.

in the can

Bobaloo doesn’t have the greatest luck.  I don’t know if it’s so much luck as weird stuff happens to him on the regular.  When we were dating he used to tell me stories of the strange everyday occurrences that would happen to him, I of course, thought he was exaggerating.

When we moved in together we always worked wonky schedules so here and there I would notice goofy interactions or the world messing with him.  It wasn’t until we got married, had similar work schedules, and started only using one car that I noticed all the weird crap that happens to him on a semi-daily basis.  Honestly there are times I dread pulling into the 7-11 because there is going to be some kind of tomfoolery happening that is going to make a 2 minute stop stretch to 10.  It seems to be that all of these weird little things add up to the microcosm of his life.  It’s hard to explain, so here are a few examples:

*He constantly gets strange change back (half dollars, two-dollar bills, Sacajawea coins).  The change isn’t from just one establishment either, this happens all around town.

*I joke that we can get anywhere 15 minutes faster if I drive because he will hit every.single.red.light.

*He always gets the wobbly bar stool.

*His food order always gets mixed up or has missing items.

*This post would take days if I went on with the list.

Usually his weird destiny doesn’t throw my stuff off but every once in a while, I am there to not only witness it, but participate (unwillingly).

A recent experience was a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a trashcan for the kitchen.  We made our way to the home section and they had an entire aisle of garbage cans in different materials, colors, etc.

We weren’t looking for anything too fancy, maybe just a $20 Rubbermaid with a lid.  Did you know they sell garbage cans for $80?  Well, we were sticking to the frugal choice.  Find a can, find a lid, and get out of there. 

We found a few that we liked but were unable to find one with a lid that fit.  Now, there were a lot of garbage cans and a lot of lids, what are the odds that not one thing would fit another in the entire aisle?  It dawned on me that I was shopping with Bobaloo and this was about turn into one of his weird things that happen only to him.  That saying, “no matter how crooked the pot, there’s always a lid that fits” certainly did not apply.  They even had labels with letters on them to help match a set up.  Bobaloo would pull out Cans J, C, and T and I would only find lids for G, P, and H.

We just wanted a garbage can.  After about ten minutes of maddening amusement we gave up and left with no trashcan.

Dumped!

I got dumped. I met him on Craigslist and he only charged twenty-five bucks an hour, which may seem cheap but he’s a college kid just getting by. My husband said go ahead, try to hook up before I get done with work so I can pick you up on the way home. I thought it’d work out with him and my life would be so much easier.

I called him and arranged to meet at four o’clock on Tuesday. We would meet at the library for one hour. It started well, and we met up every Tuesday for a few weeks. I thought everything was going swimmingly.

Then, I got burned.

Math. He was my math tutor. And he dumped me. He stood me up. No text message, no phone call, not even an email.

How mortifying? It is hard enough sometimes to admit you need help and to reach out, and for this to happen? I am so embarrassed. My tutor quit me. And now I am left here to pick up the fragile bits and pieces of my arithmetic and algebra.

With the school year beginning again, I am faced with a problem. Do I spend a lot of money and time on remedial math courses to get to the one I need to move on? Or do I hire a tutor so I can test out, take the one math course, and move on? It all really comes down to time and money. Kind of a lot of money. A lot of money for courses that don’t “count.”

But on the other hand, we all know how the tutoring worked out. Am I that frustrating to teach? Probably. I don’t like to do stuff I am not good at, which is not one of my more endearing qualities.

To be fair, I haven’t taken a math class in more than ten years.

I am not great teaching myself math out of a book. Khan Academy is pretty cool.

Maybe there is a solution I am not thinking of.

Any suggestions?

Back at it

My time away from here has been great. I still keep up with all of your blogs, you know. I currently am reading them through Google Reader though because they have blocked Blogger at work. Bo-ring! I think I’ll change it up though and do the blogging on the weekend so I can blog about town as I please.

So, where did I leave off? Oh yes, impending summertime. Summer was fantastic! There were graduations, weddings, concerts, trips, and many visitors. It buzzed by breakneck speed as usual. It was very special to me to be able to spend so much time with my little brother before he left for college. I am pretty psyched for all of the experiences ahead of him. Remember what it’s like to be nineteen? Fun stuff. Like, really fun stuff!

There were a couple of funerals over the summer too. One was a dear family friend whom I have known since childhood, the other a friend from the local watering hole. One had been there for most of the important events in my life and at one time was even my employer. The final time I saw him was last Christmas. I think of him and his wife and his kids often and think about how iniquitous life can be. The other had a small memorial at the tavern I knew him from. Although I didn’t know him very long, I think of his smile and wish I had known he was into karaoke while I had the chance to hear him sing. It was really strange to have gotten to know him better as a result of his passing.

September rolled around and I was a bridesmaid for my best friend’s wedding. It was a happy day. A week later Bobaloo and I were back in Minnesota to celebrate his parent’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. A couple of days after that, Bobaloo and I celebrated our own two-year wedding anniversary. A lot of love going on. I like it.

A ton of more awesome and less than awesome stuff went down as well. It was hard to get back into the blog swing of this because I just kept thinking, where do I start?

In the last six months or so I have sat down to start writing, to start explaining. I could never figure out where to begin so it has been easier to not start in at all.

When things have a habit of not working out for a long time, trying really hard and not trying at all becomes a very fine line.

It’s not much of an explanation I guess. That okay though, I suppose.

Anyway, this marks the return of me and my regular Jillie Side Up self. Thanks for sticking with me!

“For her own breakfast she’ll project a scheme, Nor take her tea without a stratagem” -Edward Young