Hang in There

I was around 10 years old the first time I had the feeling that I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.  That was the first time I remember feeling so sad for no good reason.

Most of the time my depressive episodes are manageable.  I try to embrace them and know that this too shall pass.  It can be a blessing to have very temporary emotions, knowing it won't be long before the sadness goes and is replaced with gentler feelings.

At the ages of 19, 25, and 28 I went through my most serious bouts of depression.

Looking back, those were tremendously stressful ages for me.  A lot of life changes were happening, making me much more susceptible to break down.

And I did.  And it was scary.  And it's something I hope I never get used to.

When I was really struggling, someone told me to hang in there.

And I did.

And that became my mantra.

When getting out of bed was too much of a goal for the day.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

While trying to find the energy to go to work for at least a couple of hours.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I drank to feel better, knowing tomorrow the shine would wear off.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

While everyone and everything was overwhelming and scary and merciless.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I hurt the people I love most.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I felt I had no purpose being here.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

Over and over, I would silently recite those three words. 

I remember hanging on like hell to whatever shred of hope I could muster up that day.  And slowly, but oh-so surely, things got better.  And days were brighter.  And life got sweeter.  And I grew happier.  And living became easier.

And when I think of everything I would have missed,

I am so thankful I hung in there.

Lovely

Gillian at A Daft Scots Lass has given to me the Lovely Blog Award.  Awesome.  Thank you very, very much.  I started reading the Lass's blog during the challenge in July and really dig her sense of humor and sass and am a bit envious of her awesome red hair.  She has a great 100 Things About Me that you should probably check out.

Here's the dealy-o:

• Add the "One Lovely Blog Award" image to your post
• Share seven things about you
• Pass the award on to seven nominees
• Thank the person who nominated you and add a short blurb about them
• Inform the nominees by posting on their blogs

Sharing is caring...

1.  I hate scary movies.  I fainted in the movie theater when I saw The Sixth Sense.

2.  I have been a vegetarian for fifteen years.

3.  Most days I leave the house with mismatched socks, I've learned to let that go...

4.  I don't understand the concept of "having a good cry."

5.  I was born with cold in my bones. I am always freezing and have icy hands and feet.

6.  When Bobaloo and I first checked out Colorado I told him I would never move here.

7.  If I am really comfortable around you, I'll bust out my Carlton dance.

I pass this here award onto these peeps*:

Designs by Row

Loonysuse

Itbritt

My 2nd Cup

Peeling an Orange With  a Screwdriver

* I know bloggy awards are not everyone's cup of tea (I love them!), so just know I dig your blog.

Goings On

I have been trying to slow down this August and have been really enjoying being a bit more of a homebody.  Bobaloo has been getting the yard all spiffed up and I put up some blue twinkly lights on the back patio.  Pretty good stuff.

 

Nik helping with yard work.
 

  We went to the Rocky Mountain Folks Festival on Sunday to see one of our favorite music dudes, John Prine.  It was a pretty venue and he played one of my favorite tunes called "Lake Marie."

 

I need to start asking people to take our pic, we never have anything in the background!

A friend and I have started doing Mix Tape Mondays on Monday evenings.  We exchange mix tapes with different themes.  Next week's theme is "Roadtrip." 

What's your favorite roadtrip song?