Liquid Goodness

There has been an awesome new addition to our household. A lot of our stuff is still in storage in California which makes buying things a little difficult. I don’t want to buy a bunch of stuff for the place and then have all of old belongings come back and have no room for them. This makes trips to Target a little hard on me. Target is my place of sanctuary. I can spend hours there. Anyway, back to the new addition.

As I was walking down the grocery aisles I came to the coffee section. The fragrance of coffee stirred a longing for caffeinated delight in me. I decided then and there that if I could find a coffeemaker for around ten bucks I would purchase one. I walked hurriedly to the kitchen appliances aisle and was thrilled to have found a $9.99 ChefMate coffeemaker. I quickly procured the coffeemaker and some filters and tossed it into the cart.

I promenaded proudly back to the coffee aisle and picked out a container of Folgers of the French Vanilla variety and some decaf for Bobaloo. As I checked out I could hardly contain my anticipation as the cashier scanned my items.

Once at home, I placed the coffeemaker in a hallowed corner of the counter where it could be admired from all corners of the kitchen. It was brilliant and shiny and new. I immediately half-read the instructions and started to brew my first pot of liquid goodness. I poured the russet liquid into a travel mug along with some French Vanilla creamer. I went out to the patio, lit a cigarette, and enjoyed the coffee. It was bliss.

A Found Memory From December 2008

Day 1

I went to the doctor’s office before work. The appointment was early, at 7:30. When I got there, there were only three cars in the parking lot. I was hoping the doors to the building would be unlocked. I hate waiting in my car for things, I always think other people think I am lurking. I went in and took the stairs to the third floor because elevators freak me out. If it got stuck who really would come right away and get me out. What if I am trapped in there with a cannibal who needs a snack or something? The door to the waiting room was locked and there was no one in the building. I walked around hoping there weren't any security cameras. I felt like I looked suspicious. I went back downstairs and called Bobaloo. When I told him that there was no one in the building he tried to calm me down and told me that a whole building isn't going to just not show up for work. I was early and maybe, just maybe, if I waited until my appointment time there would be people in the office. After I got off of the phone I was half reassured and half still panicking. My heart rate went up and I started to cry and to add to the lunacy I started breathing deeply through my nose hoping to calm myself down before the appointment. I must have looked like a tool.

At 7:25, I trudged back up the stairs and the office was open and I was out of breath. After I checked in, I sat and admired their oddly chosen wall art. The picture of the two fingers that I think is by Michelangelo and a weird Ansel Adams tree picture. The clocked ticked away and fifteen minutes went by. How can they be late if I am the first appointment? That added to the agitation. Finally I was called in by a young nurse. Little did she know about the impending morning meltdown that would arise. Immediately after the scale, she led me into the icy room with a view of the parking lot. Once the door was closed I preceded to bawl, I am talking some serious weeping. She took my vitals and tried to calm me down, then left, the poor thing. I grabbed a Kleenex off of the doctor's desk and tried doing the deep breathing again so I wouldn't appear as an emotional and outlandish person when the doctor came in.

She came in. I have seen her a couple of times before and she seemed nice enough. I don't know why, but I have always found doctors spine-chilling. She sat on a tiny black stool too close to me. I started crying again and she touched my knees and told me everything would be fine. From there, I calmed down. Good. Breathing is good.

Solitude

Thank you for all the suggestions and tips when I posted The Blog Clog. They were smart, helpful, and downright rousing. I think I have a plan for Jillie Side Up moving forward and am pretty excited about it.

How was the weekend? Bobaloo worked and I didn’t have plans so I spent a lot of time kicking it solo. Do you know what I realized lately? Kicking it solo makes me go a little crazy these days. I get a little glum and my thoughts take on a weird cycle of anxiety and trepidation. What a strange realization.

There was a time where I was content to be by myself and do my own thing. My dad used to call me his little lone wolf. I was able to listen to my tunes, read my books, do my writing, watch my television shows, and be left alone to my own devices. I would take the car for a drive by myself jamming to the radio and enjoying the sights of my travels. A walk around a lake in solitude was a great way to spend an afternoon.

Something happened somewhere down the line because now, being alone leaves me feeling well, alone. So, although it is a little late, the birthday resolution has been decided. I resolve to move forward by getting back to a place where I am content to spend some quality time with me and to do things that I enjoy without apprehension. That’s a good one, I think.

I have always been on search to be more in tune with the universe, a way to live a happier and more meaningful life. I am always looking for different ways to “tune in,” like there is something out there that I am not a part of that I need to find. Transcendence, maybe? Recently I have experienced two new things to grow from.

There is a Shambhala Center in Denver that I had always wanted to check out so I recruited Bobaloo and our friend Sam to come with me. We went there for an introduction to meditation. I was excited and nervous and happy to finally have the opportunity to go. The center was very welcoming. Shoes came off before entering and we sat in a circle along with the others who were curious.

We spoke for a while of who we were and why we were there. After a break we entered a small room where we sat on cushions and were taught the beginnings of meditation. At one point the instructor said something along the lines, “let go of your thoughts in the same way as you’d pop a balloon with a feather.” That thought resonated with me and when a thought would enter my head I would visualize a feather popping a balloon. It was a great exercise and I think all three of us learned something from being there.

The second event took place a couple of nights ago. Bobaloo and I were happy hour-ing at one of favorite joints listening to music out on the patio and enjoying the beautiful weather. If you know Bobaloo, you know he chats a lot with people. He went inside to get a pitcher and ran into a gentleman putting on a drum circle that evening. The drum circle dude invited us to join them and take a listen.

We went inside to the separate space where the drum circle was being held and were met with beats from an assortment of drums. The beats were infectious and the drummers were dialed into their sound. There were a handful of dancers inside the circle whirling, thrashing, and stamping. The whole scene was without airs and genuinely a harmonious occasion.

Now I am not someone who professes to have a lot of rhythm so I would choose one drummer to focus in on and listen carefully to. I mimicked the hand motions on my lap and created my own pitter-patter of sound. Someone gave Bobaloo a tambourine to make a cadence with. We enjoyed ourselves hugely. I would like to go back on another Monday with our own noisemakers to join in on this weekly drum-fest and possibly do some dancing.

The Blog Clog

So, here’s the deal. When I started this blog I planned to write two posts a week which isn’t a lofty goal, but I seem to be falling short; way short. Lately I sit at the computer and just cannot come up with anything at all. At this moment I am reevaluating my blog and trying to figure out where I want it to go and how to be a more consistent blogger. Do you have any rules for your blog? How many days a week you write and post? How do you keep your blog fresh?

Any advice from one blogger to another?

Easter, Visits, and a Birthday

Boy, oh boy, my last post was St. Patrick’s Day. Bad blogger, bad.

Here’s the rundown of what has been going on lately:

Easter. Bobaloo and I dyed Easter eggs and I made a trout-shaped cake. We even blew up peeps in the microwave.

My brother and his family passed through town a week ago and I was able to spend some time with my two adorable nephews and visit with my bro and sis-in-law. We ate Jason’s Deli and sat around the apartment. It was a beautiful day.

My pops passed through town as well. He stayed for a couple of days and we had loads of fun. We went to the Buffalo Rose and listened to a small band and had beer and cocktails. By the way, my hundred days of soberness is up. Success! Bobaloo and I also took my dad up to Black Hawk where we spent some time in the casinos and ate pizza and drank beer and cocktails.

I turned twenty-seven last Tuesday. I am not quite sure how I feel about that. I looked at last year’s birthday resolution and feel pretty good about what I have accomplished this last year and where I am at today. I’m trying to think of one for this year, but nothing seems to come to mind. Perhaps I’ll skip the resolution this year because I made a New Year’s resolution instead. I don’t know.

Other than that, I seem to be at a complete loss for words and ideas lately.