Front Porch Jam Session

I bought a ukulele from amazon.com a couple of weeks ago.  I tested my musical talents (ha!) over the weekend.

It was a bit chilly, but that didn't stop me.  I am trying to learn "Hey Jude."

Winky Nik no longer has to wear her cone and is back to being our neighborhood watch.

December 12

Join the Fun!

Ten Things I Know For Sure.

Tomorrow is another day, things always look better after some sleep.

My mom can beat me every time at a game of Foosball.

Actions speak louder than words especially when it comes to that love stuff.

A good life is knowing people who can make you laugh even on your worst day.

Music can save your mortal soul (says Don McLean, anyways).

Don't give others the power to dictate your mood or happiness.

The mountains are to the West.

Clubs are awesome.  Just as my Mix-Tape Monday club fizzled out, Books 'n' Booze began.

It's not a big deal unless you make it one.

Kiss the cook.

Orange you Glad?

When I was around 19 or 20 years old my friend L gave me this book...

I really didn't like emotions and feelings.  The big ones are still hard for me.  Sadness and anger.

L would make fun of me because I never spoke about how I was feeling about stuff.  She'd always say something along the lines of, "It's okay for Jill to have feelings too."  And I would respond with, "We're not going to go around the table making I feel... statements, are we?"  Pretty stunted.

So today, let's put it all out on the proverbial table...

The groovaru is in the shop, which is going to cost moolah.

It's been a rough week at work.

My brother is on his way here!

3-day weekend!

So, how are you peeling today?

A couple of years ago I went to a 3-piece class on Judaism at a local Reform temple.  I loved it.  So much so, that I began taking conversion classes for a couple of years.

I haven’t converted.  I still think about it though.

A rabbi once said to me,

“God doesn’t make trash.  So you shouldn’t treat yourself that way.”

Pretty thought, isn’t it?

September 13

Bobaloo and I are doing just fine and keeping dry.  We have been getting so, so much rain which is very strange for September.  The flooding is around us but we are in a pocket of the metro that doesn't have any creeks or rivers and the roads are fine.  The rain isn't supposed to let up until Monday so I hope everyone can hunker down and stay safe.

On Labor Day we went to the duck races at one of the bars we like to hang out at.  Here is the creek then...

My friend (Hi Eric!) took this photo yesterday...

Yikes!

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Today's topic is A self portrait.  I found this 1989 gem in a scrapbook.  I would probably draw myself the same way today, without such a liberal use of tongue.  And I might add some hands and feet.

.

   

I also found a lovely Mother's Day card I made.

 

PS - I was crying on camera because she wouldn't let me watch The Cosby Show

What a kid.
Happy Friday the 13th and Happy Weekend! 

September 09

Well, a great weekend was had.  Yesterday we went to our local Chicago bar to drink some beer and watch the Bears have their first victory of the season.  It was very nice to sit on the sunny patio while watching football.  I will long for these warm days come February, I am sure of it.  

I also got down with my crafty self.

 

I painted 85 clothespins.  I'll show you the entire project when I have finished.

And back to the challenge...

Take this personality test and respond to your results.

ISFP

Introvert (78%) - a strong preference of introversion over extraversion
Sensing (12%) - a slight preference of sensing over intuition
Feeling (12%) - a slight preference of feeling over thinking
Perceiving (11%) - a slight preference of perceiving over judging

I have heard of this test but have never taken it.  I went to this page for more information about my type.  There were a lot of things that were very spot on.

• you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system
  

• ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well

• they're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature 

• need to have personal space

• they have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words

• ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others
    

Basically, ISFP folks are a pretty "live and let live" kind of people and I think that's true about me.


What type of personality are you?  What is your favorite trait about your personality type? 

 

Hang in There

I was around 10 years old the first time I had the feeling that I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.  That was the first time I remember feeling so sad for no good reason.

Most of the time my depressive episodes are manageable.  I try to embrace them and know that this too shall pass.  It can be a blessing to have very temporary emotions, knowing it won't be long before the sadness goes and is replaced with gentler feelings.

At the ages of 19, 25, and 28 I went through my most serious bouts of depression.

Looking back, those were tremendously stressful ages for me.  A lot of life changes were happening, making me much more susceptible to break down.

And I did.  And it was scary.  And it's something I hope I never get used to.

When I was really struggling, someone told me to hang in there.

And I did.

And that became my mantra.

When getting out of bed was too much of a goal for the day.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

While trying to find the energy to go to work for at least a couple of hours.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I drank to feel better, knowing tomorrow the shine would wear off.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

While everyone and everything was overwhelming and scary and merciless.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I hurt the people I love most.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

When I felt I had no purpose being here.

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

Over and over, I would silently recite those three words. 

I remember hanging on like hell to whatever shred of hope I could muster up that day.  And slowly, but oh-so surely, things got better.  And days were brighter.  And life got sweeter.  And I grew happier.  And living became easier.

And when I think of everything I would have missed,

I am so thankful I hung in there.

From the Back of my Brain

I lost my faith in a higher power for the first time when I was sixteen.

The summer after, I interned at a visitor center at a national park.  Ministers of different denominations would come into the park and put on services in the amphitheatre.  I worked alongside this older ranger, his name escapes me now.  When visitors would come up and ask him when and where the services were taking place, he would snap his response and get really irritated.

One day I asked him why he was so ornery about visitors going to services at the park.  He responded with something like, "They are here in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  You want God?  Go fucking pray to a tree."

I am not sure why that has stuck with me over the years.

Who Knew?

So, Bobaloo has told me about this thing he did when he was a kid and apparently it's a normal adolescent thing.

 

Do you remember being at a school assembly or a program put on by a different grade and wanting to be the last person who clapped?

 

I have never heard of this.

 

Oh my gosh, I just googled.  It's a thing.

 

According to Urban Dictionary:

	Last-clap contest
	When you're at a performance or assembly and the applaud is just ending, this is the contest when two people both try to get the last clap. Usually lasts about 20 seconds before both people give up.   Cathy: I loved how during the assembly today, there was a last-clap contest between Jeff and Matt.   There's even a Facebook page!   Who knew?  Have you ever heard of this?!

Who spends $36 at McDonald's?

It has been a busy couple of weeks, I tell ya.  Where do I even start?  Yikes.

Bobaloo and I went gold-panning at the end of July. 

After panning, while getting dried off and back into the car my purse must have been left behind in the parking lot.  A minute into the drive I noticed and Bobaloo turned around but it was too late, the purse was gone.  By the time we had made the 40-minute trek home someone had stopped at a gas station to fill up and bought $36 worth of McDonald’s on my debit card.  $36 at McDonald’s?

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening kicking myself for being so careless, cancelling cards, looking for my birth certificate so I could get new IDs, and being generally pissed off while Bobaloo changed the locks on the doors.  A watch that my grandma gave me was also in the purse and although she probably bought it for $10 at Walgreens, I was still pretty bummed about it.

The next day I was having a beer on the patio after work and Bobaloo was over at a friend’s house.  He and I both started to get strange phone calls and messages from a couple of our bar buddies.  My purse had been found by a fly fisherman! The fisherman’s sister was drying my stuff out and she found the business card that my bar buddy Andy had given me a couple of years ago.  Andy was hanging out with another friend who had Bobaloo’s number and that’s how I was tracked down.  Hooray!

PSA: Get to know people at your local watering hole.

So, Bobaloo and I drove and picked up the purse.  At least the person who had dumped it into the creek was courteous enough to zip it up before throwing it in because while the cards and checkbook were gone, everything else was in there, including my grandma’s watch.

So there we have it.  An emotional rollercoaster was had.

 



July 17

7 Random Facts

I love facts.  I mean sincerely love them.  One Christmas my sister-in-law gave me The Encyclopedia of Useless Information.  I can't think of 7 interesting facts about myself at the moment, so I will share with you some of my favorite websites to read about interesting stuff.

1.  Mental Floss

2.  Neatorama

3.  Listverse

4.  Smithsonian

5.  Open Culture

6.  TYWKKIWDBI

And if you are really just in it for the cool pictures...

7.  Retronaut

 Did you know...

About 5% of the entire US potato crop goes to make McDonald's french fries?

Got any interesting facts?

July Challenge

Past and Present

It's almost that time of year again.  Time to bask in the sunshine and read a good book.

 

When I was a kid, these were my favorites.

 

That Amelia Bedelia sure was zany, wasn't she?

These are some of my most loved books of all time.

 

 

And here are a few I have really enjoyed recently.

 

 

So...

 

read any good books lately?

May 16

 

The 16th day of this Blog Every Day in May challenge has arrived.  Today's topic is Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.  Here we go.

Hmmm…

Today’s topic is a toughy.

I am not sure I really understand the topic but what the heck, I’ll give it a whirl.

I guess I don’t really believe we have a “lot” in life.  We make our own opportunities and some things happen by chance.  When life stuff happens, we can choose what kind of perspective we have surrounding our circumstances.

There was a time after we got married when Bobaloo and I were really struggling.  The job market was miserable and good any jobs were hard to come by.  We were fortunate to always be able to put a roof over our heads and food on our table, but money was always too tight for comfort and we were stressed.  It didn’t make sense; we worked so hard and didn’t deserve this.

At the time the lean years were miserable and frustrating; looking back they seem like a gift.  Out of the tough times, I learned that Bobaloo and I would do whatever we had to in order to take care of one another.  Even when that meant taking awful, awful jobs and dealing with awful, awful people.

I remember sitting on the patio with Bobaloo one night and laughing our heads off at how things couldn’t possibly get any worse.  And then they would.  This cycle repeated itself multiple times.  It was at this time when I think Bobaloo first thought up the phrase love-rich as in, “We may not have much, but baby, we’re love-rich.”  And it was true.  I am not so naïve to think that all you need is love, but love and a sense of humor can sure get you through some crappy times.

Gradually we both caught some breaks and now things are a lot better and much easier.  Some of the breaks were because of hard work and persistence and some were just dumb luck.  The good stuff has been all the more sweet because of the tough stuff.

I have been both up and down and at times felt stuck or like I couldn’t get out of my “lot in life” no matter what I did.  The important thing is, no matter where I was or whatever my situation may have been I have always found kindheartedness in the people around me.  Life has gotten easier in the last year or so, but I try to remember that others are still stuck in their “lot” and the importance of returning the thoughtfulness I was shown.



May 8

 

Eight is great!  Still plugging away at this Blog Every Day in May challenge. Ambitious I know, but there are topics posted for every day. Go check it out. Today's topic is a piece of advice you have for others.  Anything at all.  So here goes.

 

Be good and have fun (in that order).

-Bobaloo's Mom

 

 

May 3

  I'm keepin' on keepin' on with the above challenge to Blog Every Day in May. Ambitious I know, but there are topics posted for every day. Go check it out. Today's topic is Things that make you uncomfortable so here goes.

I could write an entire book about things that make me uncomfortable.

Having anxiety certainly presents its fair share of things that make me uncomfortable.  Most uncomfortable moments deal with issues of space or not being in control of my surroundings. 

Sometimes those issues creep up, sometimes they don’t.

Some instances of being uncomfortable in no spectacular order:

* Recently I walked over a bridge (sort of ran because it was rather high up) and could not and would not get back over to the other side.  Bobaloo walked back to the hotel to get my Pops to come pick me up in a car.  I knew in my heart of hearts the bridge was not going to suddenly break and I knew I wasn't going to accidentally fall off, but nonetheless I seriously cried over this:

This is the pedestrian bridge, for real yo.



* Every once in a while riding on the highway in the passenger seat of a car can be a horrible experience.  I am not sure if it’s the speed or the other drivers or the fact that I am not driving but some days it’s just too much to handle.

*  Every 8-12 months I get on an airplane, freak out, and vow to never get on another plane again, forget about aforementioned vow 8-12 months later, lather, rinse, and repeat.

*  Eating in front of strangers is bizarre and uncomfortable, weddings are a nightmare.

*  The self checkout at the grocery store is an endless source of anxiety for me which is weird because I usually prefer to interact with machines rather than people.  I think it's because the fruit and vegetables get priced wrong with the scanner and the scary Overlord of Groceries has to come over and boss me around.

*  Experiencing new things by myself isn’t my strong suit.  It’s not the new experience so much as the not getting lost on the way there, finding where to park, what if I wrote down the wrong day or time, expectation management, I don't know what's happening, what if I start panicking, am I breathing normal, etc.

Long story short, I make me incredibly uncomfortable.

May 2

 

Today is day dos of the above challenge to Blog Every Day in May. Ambitious I know, but there are topics posted for every day. Go check it out. Today's topic is Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at.

 

Hmm..  Something I know a lot about?  I know a little about a lot, but not the other way around.  I don't think I have any secret talents either.  Well maybe I do but they're still a secret from me, who knows?

 

You may not know this about me but I am saving my rubles to buy a homestead and on my homestead I want to raise...

 

Alpacas!

 



  

Seriously, I want to be able to wake up and hug my alpacas everyday.  If you buy me one, I will name it after you.  Any takers?

 

Bobaloo and I have gone to a couple of alpaca shows around town, in fact the big Great Western Alpaca Show is coming up this weekend.  Ready Bobaloo?  The shows are fun and you get to pet the alpacas and talk to the exhibitors.  So, I guess I know more than the average bear about alpacas.

 

Jill’s top 5 alpaca facts:

1)  Alpacas live for around twenty years.

2)  You can keep up to five alpacas per acre.

 

3)  Alpacas produce 5-8 pounds of wool per year, the wool is hypoallergenic.

 

4)  Alpacas weren’t imported to the US until 1984.

 

5)  Alpacas come in 16 different tones.

 

P.S. Here's a link to an alpaca webcam in Loveland, CO.  It's time for babies!

in the can

Bobaloo doesn’t have the greatest luck.  I don’t know if it’s so much luck as weird stuff happens to him on the regular.  When we were dating he used to tell me stories of the strange everyday occurrences that would happen to him, I of course, thought he was exaggerating.

When we moved in together we always worked wonky schedules so here and there I would notice goofy interactions or the world messing with him.  It wasn’t until we got married, had similar work schedules, and started only using one car that I noticed all the weird crap that happens to him on a semi-daily basis.  Honestly there are times I dread pulling into the 7-11 because there is going to be some kind of tomfoolery happening that is going to make a 2 minute stop stretch to 10.  It seems to be that all of these weird little things add up to the microcosm of his life.  It’s hard to explain, so here are a few examples:

*He constantly gets strange change back (half dollars, two-dollar bills, Sacajawea coins).  The change isn’t from just one establishment either, this happens all around town.

*I joke that we can get anywhere 15 minutes faster if I drive because he will hit every.single.red.light.

*He always gets the wobbly bar stool.

*His food order always gets mixed up or has missing items.

*This post would take days if I went on with the list.

Usually his weird destiny doesn’t throw my stuff off but every once in a while, I am there to not only witness it, but participate (unwillingly).

A recent experience was a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a trashcan for the kitchen.  We made our way to the home section and they had an entire aisle of garbage cans in different materials, colors, etc.

We weren’t looking for anything too fancy, maybe just a $20 Rubbermaid with a lid.  Did you know they sell garbage cans for $80?  Well, we were sticking to the frugal choice.  Find a can, find a lid, and get out of there. 

We found a few that we liked but were unable to find one with a lid that fit.  Now, there were a lot of garbage cans and a lot of lids, what are the odds that not one thing would fit another in the entire aisle?  It dawned on me that I was shopping with Bobaloo and this was about turn into one of his weird things that happen only to him.  That saying, “no matter how crooked the pot, there’s always a lid that fits” certainly did not apply.  They even had labels with letters on them to help match a set up.  Bobaloo would pull out Cans J, C, and T and I would only find lids for G, P, and H.

We just wanted a garbage can.  After about ten minutes of maddening amusement we gave up and left with no trashcan.

Resolutions I

When I was going through my 2-year bout with holy heck-I am so sad-anxious-who am I?-what does this all mean?-why can’t I fit?-is my mind going?-better question where is my hair going?-is this worth the trouble?-what the heck is happening to me?*, it was so busy in my head that I stopped everything else. I was motionless and no matter what I tried, I could not move forward.

About a year ago I came back to the land of the functioning; it hasn’t been fully until recently. 

I have taken most of this last year to heal. Restore myself, reconcile to my people, and rejoin the commotion of everyday life.

I don’t have it all figured out. I am still working on it. And that’s okay.

When you panic, it’s your body telling you to slow down and resolve whatever needs resolving.

My life had to come to a complete stop for me to get the message and it turns out there were some things in my life that needed resolution. Taking a Xanax is easy, dealing with shit and holding it together is not. 

It has taken time. 

There has been a lot of gathering, sorting, recognizing, understanding, and finally, removal of shit.

Everyday chores and routines were too difficult to deal with so I just didn’t. Everything and everyone was overwhelming.

I have a few close girlfriends who are successful in their careers, have happy social lives, nice houses, and raising kids on top of that.  When I would visit them during this time I couldn’t help but think to myself, how can someone possibly have the energy for a life like theirs? How is your countertop so clean all the time? You grocery shop, cook dinner, put the mail away, and hang out with your kids? You host brunches on the weekend? You go to the mall, get your hair done, and vacuum all in the same day? How do you do this? Was there a grownup class I missed? How do you find the energy?

How do you do this?

I felt incompetent.

My girlfriends are amazing.

I had just failed to recognize that they were living life.

I was not. 

When we were getting ready to move to the new place, I prepared to move into a new head space. The steps forward have been gradual, but I am moving. That is the important part.

I go to work every day. I take care of the dog. I feed the fish. I make the bed. I do the dishes. I clean.  I pay bills. I tell Bobaloo not to fall asleep on the couch. I have even started helping with dinner on occasion. These things are very small but they make my life.

Almost a year later, I am very proud of this life.

*Sorry to get so technical.

This and That

I recently learned how chickens lay eggs without needing a rooster.  This was the most confusing, yet informative tidbit of widely known knowledge I have received in a while.

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I found my iPhone intact in the yard right after I hit up AT&T for a cheapie replacement.  I dropped the phone when I was chasing after the dog.  This is my favorite picture on the camera roll:

That’s my bro, his gal, and I rocking out in my parent's living room.  Bro is consistently awesome when choosing tunes, whether it be at home or on a jukebox.  It’s a great quality to have and I love him for it.  When he was born I wanted to name him Elvis, I wonder if his life trajectory would have been different had my parents agreed.

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Speaking of the trip back to the frozen North, I was nicely surprised when I ordered a bloody mary and it came with a snit.  Remember that whole deal?

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I enjoy a good tourist trap. And gift shop.  Ooh, I am a sucker for a good gift shop.  I am trying to think of some new ones to visit over the summer.  I desperately want to make it to Dollywood one of these days.

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I recently read an article on tinybuddha.com (which I can’t find now) about simply adding the word meditation to the end of your frustration.  Frustrated in line at the grocery store?  Take a deep breath and practice your grocery line meditation.  Frustrated and stuck in traffic?  Take a deep breath and practice your traffic meditation.  Weirdly, it works.  Bobaloo and I have been having fun with it.  At this very moment I am practicing my I-forgot-my-breakfast-and-could-eat-the-north-side-of-a-horse-going-south meditation.

Om.

Kiss Me, I'm a Good Skier

 

If I could have one comedy montage from my brain on videotape, this is would what it would look like:

 

I am not a coordinated or graceful person.  I have no agility or speed either.  I am clumsy. 

I am a great walker though.  I have that down pat.

My job involves snow so when I tell people where I work the first question I get asked is whether I ski or snowboard.

Begin the reel.  Here is the first of many attempts at athleticism...

Growing up, my family took yearly ski trips to Michigan with family friends.  I was a fearful five year old and not excited about strapping two skis on and plummeting down a hill.  Pops however, was full of enthusiasm and exuberance that would soon turn to frustration.  God love him for having faith that someday I would grow out of my awkward stage.   We are still waiting.

With some fuss I got my boots and skis on and practiced on the little hill by the chalet.  I’d walk up the little hill and snowplow my little self down.  Pizza.  French fry.  Pizza.  French Fry.  Sounds fun, right?  I remember a lot of yelling and crying involved during practice.  It was unfair, my brothers took to the hill like Snoopy, suavely traversing the snowy terrain with little effort.  Pops was at a loss on why these skills were harder for me; I chalk it up to being a late bloomer.

After we both had enough zigzagging, Pops brought me to the bottom of the hill to prep me for my first chairlift ride.  The chairlift was an old two-seater that went to the top of the bunny hill.  Pops went through the instructions over and over until I committed them to memory.  Scoot up, grab the pole, sit down, bar down, tips up.  He’d be right next to me the whole time.

And I did it!  We were riding high and I felt a rush of adrenaline and accomplishment.  The views of the trees were spectacular the skiers were whooshing below, this was incredible!

About half way up the ride, Pops started prepping on how the unloading was going to go.  He assured me it was a lot easier than getting on.  I am not sure what exactly happened, but sometime between his instructions and the unloading zone I completely psyched myself out. 

My dad left the chairlift and I did not.

I kept going until the lift was stopped.  I took one look at my dad swearing under his breath and started to bawl.  I had been defeated and humiliated by a chairlift.

My saving grace was the liftie, a sweet old man who came out with a ladder and lifted me down gently.  To this day, I remember his kind smile and the safety of his arms.  Once back to the ground he gave me a Kleenex, a Hershey Kiss, and a button that said Kiss me, I’m a good skier.  The world was right again.

Going downhill was a piece of cake.  After the one and only run, Pops brought me back to the chalet and I am guessing went to have a few cocktails to take the edge off of our bonding experience.  It was a long afternoon and at the end of it, all was forgiven.

The next day Pops signed me up for ski school.  Best forty bucks he ever spent.