Most of the time my depressive episodes are manageable. I try to embrace them and know that this too shall pass. It can be a blessing to have very temporary emotions, knowing it won't be long before the sadness goes and is replaced with gentler feelings.
At the ages of 19, 25, and 28 I went through my most serious bouts of depression.
Looking back, those were tremendously stressful ages for me. A lot of life changes were happening, making me much more susceptible to break down.
And I did. And it was scary. And it's something I hope I never get used to.
When I was really struggling, someone told me to hang in there.
And I did.
And that became my mantra.
When getting out of bed was too much of a goal for the day.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
While trying to find the energy to go to work for at least a couple of hours.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
When I drank to feel better, knowing tomorrow the shine would wear off.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
While everyone and everything was overwhelming and scary and merciless.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
When I hurt the people I love most.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
When I felt I had no purpose being here.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
Over and over, I would silently recite those three words.
I remember hanging on like hell to whatever shred of hope I could muster up that day. And slowly, but oh-so surely, things got better. And days were brighter. And life got sweeter. And I grew happier. And living became easier.
And when I think of everything I would have missed,
I am so thankful I hung in there.
My mantra has been, "It can only get better. It can't get worse."
ReplyDeleteMy doc has said that bipolar depression is the worst depression of all.
I like your mantra.
DeleteIt's kind of strange how the depression sort of pops up out of nowhere, I think that's the freakiest part. That, and how long it will stay.
I hear ya! Seems I walk around in a semi-state of depression and it is the rare event that I actually can stay happy all the time. I'll have 2 happy days and then 1 week of feeling down. It's my life....and I keep hanging in there as well. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteDepression is certainly an energy-suck, isn't it? It's nice to hope for more "up" days than "down" ones.
DeleteThanks for commenting.
I love this, I do. Last week all I wanted to do was huddle in a blanket on the couch and not move and not even turn the tv on. I hung in there.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you're feeling better.
DeleteI was reading an article and the writer compared being depressed with having the flu. You want to get out of bed and feel better but some days it's just not happening.
Have a good day!
This is a great post...it's my husband who mostly tells me to hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHusbands are the best. It's nice to have a live-in support system, isn't it?
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