Monday, December 29, 2008
Not So Golden Slumbers
On sleep. Lately, my anxiety has been causing a severe lack of sleep. I had a reaction to medication that caused a maniacal insomnia the other night. It was scary and I cannot remember a time when I thought I was so crazy and absurd. I mean, totally nuts. I was awake for twenty-one hours and was in a fervent frenzy. My mind was racing a mile a minute and there were various inconsequential tasks, which I found myself completely obsessed. My husband and I had a chat about the bizarre sleep patterns yesterday. He commented on how there was a time before all of “this” that I was the best sleeper on the face of the planet. Seriously, anytime and anywhere. I could have been a professional napper. A Sunday afternoon consisted of a nap from three in the afternoon until seven at night, wake up, eat dinner, and go back to bed for another nine hours. Was this healthy? I do not know. I do know it was a very peaceful, undisturbed sleep; I referred to it as my “meditation.” For the last few weeks, sleep has been uneasy, strained, and scarce. I am incredibly exhausted and agitated. I have tried taking medicine, deep breaths, and tea to no avail. The moment my eyes close, random and outlandish images flicker in my brain. These vivid brain slideshows throw me into a very panicked, flustered, and unreasonable person. This is at what time the chest pains, tears, and irrational thoughts begin. I never knew falling asleep could be so draining. What I wouldn’t give for some belated sugarplum visions to dance in my head, whilst being all nestled and snug in my bed. Tonight, I plan to gather a desk lamp, a tedious textbook, and attempt to bore myself into a tranquil an effortless slumber.