Connie, My Cranky Alter Ego Has A Cream Cow

Bobaloo and I celebrated our three-month anniversary last Sunday. To make merry, we had some leftover gift cards from the wedding to spend. We should not be allowed to leave our house. Ever. Someone could get hurt. Don’t get me wrong I like to shop however, places such as Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Pier One Imports are a little out of our league. For us, this means both dangerous and new territory. Bobaloo signed up for this expedition so there were no excuses or complaining allowed by him.

When we shop together, it is strange. We are almost telepathic which both helps and hinders our shopping experience, either way it is certainly enhanced. We both get annoyed at the same time and at the same things. When we really get going, you can feel our combined blood boiling to Mt. Vesuvius proportions. Moreover, we exchange exasperated looks that scream, “Let’s get the hell out of here.” Usually after a particularly perilous shopping trip, we end up drinking. See: Mall Trip at Christmastime 2007.

We are polite, courteous people. It just seems whenever we are out so is every idiot on the face of the planet. And, I truly mean every idiot. I am sure occasionally we are the aforementioned idiots, although we always move to the side of a store if we need to chat, we do not bump people in the back of the heels with shopping carts, and we do not have spoiled temper-tantrum-having babies with us. We do not just stop and leave our cart in the middle of an aisle. Or stalk people for parking spaces in the parking lot. When we go out, it seems like we are seeing the decline of common courtesy right before our eyes.

We started our super-extreme-fun shopping day at Barnes and Noble, which was pleasant. We had coffee and separated to find our own books in our own interest section. We soon left to walk over to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. We are smokers. Yep, disgusting, drudge of the earth smokers. However, we are also polite smokers. After Barnes and Noble, we moved a ways away from the entrance of the store to light up. It was just us, our cigarettes, and a wall separating two stores. Dumbass daddy decides his kids should play right in front of us. Making me feel immediately guilty, but at the same time, what the hell dude? It is called second-hand. So the cig was short-lived and we made it to BBB.

We made it to Barnes and Noble, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Target. The crescendo of the day though, was Pier One.

Top 5 reasons we should not be allowed in Pier One:

1. Did you know “tweens” think Pier One is cool and frequent there? Weird. “Tween” girls that shop at Pier One freak me out. This post about Pier One has me using the word, “tween.” Ugh.
2. There is a lot of glass. A lot of glass. Glass + Bobaloo + Me / Pier One = Catastrophe.
3. I had to convince Bobaloo that we needed new glasses because the chipped free-with-a-bloody ones from college just are not cutting it. In the end, he gave in. He probably gave up because he wanted to leave. Either way, I am taking that win!
4. The woman at the counter was not very nice. Even though I lied about not having an email address, she should not get all persnickety. I doubt I am the first person she has encountered who doesn’t want Pier One harassing them. Not to mention that I had “I am not a regular customer” written all over me.
5. With a $25 gift card you can either buy one cool thing or all sorts of random objects such as eight glasses and a creamer cow.

Top one reason you should shop at pier one:

1. $5.00 Creamer cows. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.